Listening to : Teman Sejati - Brothers

Salam all.

Aku telah terpanggil benar untuk menulis isi hati ku kali ini.
Today's entry will be a mixture of language.

I have been feeling rather low lately. I missed someone. I felt that someone is calling out for me. But I wonder who. I've been searching for an answer somewhere deep within.
Last two days kept surfing for Ustaz Ahil's ceramahs. I'll played it on Youtube. While doing my work. The whole of 8 hours I listened to his ceramahs @ work. Even as I did my OT, I still have his lectures in the background.

Last night, after work, I continued watching/hearing his ceramah @ home with 4 VCDs I bought recently when I went JB. The last 2 CDs realy touches my heart. It made me missed that particular person whom I always have in my prayers. Everytime Ustaz mentioned about soheeb, I would turn my head over my bed side table - the photo frame.
Little did I know that tears really start to flow.

I NEVER THOUGHT THAT LOVING A FRIEND COULD BE THIS PAINFUL. We never really got into a bicker. But why? I wonder sometimes.
I needed answers. Every sujud I made, I surrender to Ilahi, seeking for forgiveness to treat a dear friend ever so badly. Still, I don't know what mistakes I made. Allah may forgive me, but her? I can't even apologise personally to her. I don't care whether its my mistake or not. I just cant bare the hurt I got myself into.
The questions that always lingers in my mind - why run? why never talk? why didn't we resolve the clueless matter? why?

Late night prayers for answers didn't help. Cos the signs I always got was very bright n cheery. So what could possibly made that lovely bear walked away? Last night was very bad day & night for me. I cried in bed. Again, I question myself, WHY AM I CRYING BECAUSE OF THIS FRIEND MIA? It never occured to me that I would be loving her so dearly. Please don't get me wrong. She's a friend. A girlfriend I adore.

I woke up in the morning for work, left home quite late. It was when I was in the cab, alone, i felt a pang in the heart. I cried again silently, thinking about why must this happen. Why she left with no traces. Another bear gave up on her with a conclusion on her own. But I refuse to jump into conclusion. I know there MUST be something that's stopping her.
The closer we bond, The stronger Allah tested us.

Allah sekadar ingin menguji berapa kuatkah persahabatan kita ini.

Without much hesitation, I took my mobile n smsed her partner. I never did that before, unless necessary. This time, I just did. Never really wanting her to know, if she's not ready. It's fine with me. His reply was shocking. It wasn't really that shocking lah.
Just I didn't expect it. Again, I tried to hold back my tears.
Maybe he's right. I replied again.

And finally the light shone.
Betapa indahnya sesuatu persahabatan itu, sekiranya kita ikhlas.
This is the first time, I cried because I missed a friend so dearly...
I really do love her.

Ya Allah,
Berkatilah persahabatan kami.
Rahmatilah perhubungan kami.
Ihdinas siratal mustaqim.
Semoga ukhwah ini direstui Mu,
Ya kareem....