Monday, June 26, 2006
You can keep you damn anger~!!!
Listening to: Ka-Ching! - Shania Twain
Salam all.
Sharing some reads from a book:-
Healing an Angry Heart by Cardwell C. Nuckols, PhD & Bill Chickering.
See if this might describe an incident or two in your past: It's midnight. A man has a flat tire on a deserted stretch of country road.
He's miffed that he'll have to change the tire, but knows it shouldn't slow him down too much. He looks in the trunk and then angrily begins throwing things around.
Then he explodes. He's left the jack and the tire iron at home. Now what? The only sign of life he sees in the distance is a small speck of light, and he has no idea how far away that is.
The road is steep and winding. As he walks he mutters: " What if I do find some place? It'll be closed anyway. Suppose I can't find anyone who has a jack? What will I do then?"
A few more miles up the road:"Maybe I'll find someone and they'll get angry that I woke them up. Or suppose I wake them up and they yell at me and tell me to get the hell off their property. Or maybe they'll see me coming and call the cops. Then I'll have to bail myself out of the jail. I'll be charged with criminal trespassing and have police record. Then they'll hear about it at work, and I'll get fired. Then my wife will get angry and tell me what an idiot I am for losing my job. She'll probably take the kids and leave."
He is enraged by now. It's almost two in the morning, and his feet are screaming in pain. He sees a farmhouse, limps slowly to the door and knocks loudly. A tired but friendly man opens it and is about to ask if he needs any help. Our friend looks up at him and spits out:
"You can just keep your damn jack!"
Then he stomps back down the road.
Maybe the circumstances differ, but most of us knows a similar story all too well. We write an entire drama before the curtain goes up on the first act.
We get the heart pumping, the adrenaline rushing, and slowly move our anger to the tip of our tongue.
And then? And then nothing - less than nothing. Quite the contrary, everything goes beautifully - so beautifully, in fact, that we end up embarrased and swimming in guilt.
I've been primed and ready for alot of fights that didn't take place and argumentsthat never needed to be written blurted out phone messages better felt unspoken.
I've spent as long as a month preparing for a confrontation that was never to be. Whether I'm anticipating a meeting to ask my boss for some time off, an appointment at the bank for a loan or a potentially loaded conversation with a family member, my imagination of the impending situation has always exceeded reality.
But the silliest way I stir up my anger and my worry is the telephone conversations. If I sense a certain inflection in a person's voice or if someone says goodbye a little too abruptly, I immediately wonder what's wrong. Is that person upset with me? Then I stew until the next call. Rather an unprofitable way to spend my time, don't you think?
On an on it goes - much ado about nothing, time wasted and anger misspent, days and weeks spent squirming over what might happen, building resentments that sap my emotional and spiritual energy. And why do I do it? I don't know, because there's never been a payoff.
Frankly I don't know whether there's a remedy for this. If there is one, I guess it would be age and experience - we simply get so sick and tired of it all that we stop. Or, who knows, maybe we never get over it.
Mark Twain put it best. Toward the end of his life, he wrote,
"I am an old man and I've worried about many things - most of which never happened."
cOnfus~ED Paranoia Freak @ 1:30:00 PM ||
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